Dear Friend, (9/20/08)

I'm having a really hard time talking to you. This is the only way I can even begin to talk, so I figure even though it isn't the best, it's better than nothing. I know I need to start talking to you again, but I find myself not being able to. I don't know if its because I think you'll tell me something I don't want to hear, or if its because you know everything about me, and I couldn't hide anything from you even if I tried. Either way, I can't for now, so this will suffice.

I had a pretty good day today. School didn't last long, which is definitely a good thing. But not in that snotty, "I'm a teenager and have better things to do than further my education" way. I just feel so trapped there. Like the drama and the problems there are so menial and unimportant. For a while, I'm not going to lie, I lived for it. But then I met Jeremy and Devon. They have been showing me all the many things I could do with my time, my life. I could learn to juggle(in the process) or do parkour. I could read all the books in the library or lean to speak Chinese. There are so many things i could do with the time that high school takes up. I just wish that I was out, done. That I could begin the next chapter in my life. I may be wrong, but I feel as if I'm ready, and the only thing holding me back is high school. For instance, I really want to get going on my higher education. And I want to start meeting honest, worthy young men -- potential husbands. I know I'm so young to start thinking about that, but if I start now, then when I'm actually ready for it I'll have all these great guys I've surrounded myself with that there is no doubt whether I'll find someone worthy to take me to the temple. I want to begin to surround myself with people worthy of my time. You know? I think that has been one of my big problems. I spend time with the people who use and abuse me, who treat me like I don't matter, like I'm just another person they stepped on to reach the top. I'm finding my friend pool a little shallow. Which, don't get me wrong, is fine for now. I don't need a million friends, I've been on my own for practically my whole life, I'll do just fine. But, I guess mainly its just that I feel like I'm losing the one best friend I thought I still had. I thought that no matter what She would always be my best friend, that I could always turn to her when I needed her. But this week I really needed her, and she wasn't around. She so worried about other things in her life, and she doesn't really have much time for my pitiful worries and doubts. She was the good influence I had left in my life, and now I feel as if it's slowly slipping away. I don't want to lose her, she's a great girl, but I don't know what to do to keep her around. She's making her choices and I'm making mine, and they just don't happen to be winding down the same path. It worries me.

Despite all this, today was still good. Like I said before my tangent, school got out early, and I came home and rested. I needed some rest; I've just been burning myself into the ground. Then I watched some Veronica Mars and that was pretty awesome -- I really love that show. I know, I know, I should have spent it reading Module 3 for LIB 1010, or finishing up my 1050 assignment, or planning Boo-Acahn. But i just wanted a day for myself. And so I had a day for myself. Then I went to Devon's house and messed around with juggling and stick-twirling(?). Haha, it was pretty fun. His little sister is spunky; I like her. Then Preston came and like five minutes later I had to leave to get home to go to dinner. Which is a bummer, I really wanted to hand out with Devon and Preston more, but I wanted to spend time with my family. So I came home and we went out to Ruby River Steak House and ate. It was so delicious. =] Our waiter was really awkward, but probably the nicest guy ever. Then we went to see what movies were playing the theatres, but like always there weren't any good ones, so we went to rent some. We then came home and I got a phone call from Cole. It was really good to chat with him for a little bit; I really miss him. It wasn't for very long though, he had to run off and do something or other. So then we sat down to watch one of the movies we rented. And now here I am, holed up in my room typing away. (And if devon happens to read this, I really think the spinning helped my typing! ; ) Haha.)

I think I'll close for now. This has been a huge step for me. I'm really glad I had this idea, though it was sort of inspired by a friend. Nonetheless, I'm glad I did it, whosever idea it was.

So for now, good night and thank you for being with me always,
Erika